What Are DINKs?

What are DINKs? Introduction

“DINK” stands for Dual Income No Kids. It refers to couples where both partners are working and they do not have children. For some, this is a temporary moment in time before starting a family. For others, it’s a lifestyle.

If you are asking yourself- “What are DINKs?”, you may be confused by the various terms floating around. Couples that are permanent DINKs may refer to themselves as childfree, since they are choosing to not have children. Single people without kids sometimes call themselves "SINKs." These terms have not become as common in popular culture, and sometimes DINK is used as a catch all phrase. In this blog, I'll use "DINK" to refer to couples not planning on having children. Many of the concepts covered also apply to single childfree people.

For many DINK couples, the reasons behind this decision extend beyond the financial reasons that the acronym implies. There are many mental health benefits to being a DINK, along with some challenges. Couples therapy can be a great tool for deciding if the DINK lifestyle is for you.

Benefits of Being a DINK Couple

Yes, for some choosing to be DINKs comes down to financial reasons. While social media may depict DINKs splashing out on lavish lifestyles, this is not the case for many. Lots of DINK couples choose not to have children due to rising costs. The cost of childcare alone has increased exponentially in recent years. Choosing to forgo children might help a couple live comfortably where otherwise they may be struggling.

For some, being a DINK couple may be the right decision due to ethical or environmental concerns. You may feel that life is hard and be uncertain whether you want another human to experience it. This may be especially true if you are acutely aware of current sociopolitical instability.

Environmental concerns may be another reason for not having kids. Each new child adds approximately 9441 metric tons of carbon dioxide to the carbon legacy of the average American female. This is 5.7 times her lifetime emissions. Some DINKs feel they are doing right by the environment in not having kids. Further, they don’t have to worry about the impact of climate change on their offspring. 

For some, the benefits may be even more personal. Time is another asset that is more plentiful for people without kids. Many DINK couples feel ravaged by the demands of modern life. Children may feel like an unwanted responsibility. DINKs may want time to focus on their relationship or engage in self-care. After all, research has shown that marriage satisfaction plummets after having children.

This can be especially true for people who struggle with their mental health. In my work as a therapist, I treat depression, anxiety, and trauma. I've noticed these conditions can make it difficult for people to care for themselves and connect with others. Being a DINK couple can allow you to focus on the things that make you feel your best, whether that’s sleep, exercise, or a weekly date night.

Challenges of Being a DINK Couple

 

Despite these benefits, there are challenges inherent to DINK couples. The first challenge is making an intentional decision about whether to have children or not. Many people view having children as a default choice, and it is more unconventional to remain childfree. As with many life decisions, there is the potential for regret with either option. Making a good decision includes researching lifestyle choices and considering your personal values.

For those who decide to remain childfree, facing prejudice can be a major psychological concern. Many of the prejudices associated with DINK couples have their roots in patriarchal ideology. Patriarchal thought says men are in power over women and children. Children are good because they can learn this ideology, keeping men in control for years to come.

For example, one prejudiced myth about DINK couples is that they are “selfish.” This is the term used by the late Pope Francis in describing the childfree choice. Studies have found the general public also holds this view. The same study demonstrates that childfree people are even seen as morally inferior. Of course, this is not true. As discussed above, some people have ethical or environmental reasons for not wanting kids.

Naturally, feelings of isolation can be a challenge for DINKs. Even if you do not experience prejudice, you may feel alone at times. Again, this is the more unconventional choice. Many DINK couples may lose connection with friends as their peer group begins to start families. It can be challenging to find people living similar lifestyles.

How Can Therapy Help DINK Couples?

If you are asking yourself- “What are DINKs?”, you may be wondering how to decide if you are one of them. Sometimes it can feel scary to talk about life-changing decisions with your partner. Couples therapists are adept at helping people make decisions. A couples therapist can provide a safe, warm space to facilitate the conversation. A therapist can help partners understand the others’ point of view. And finally, a therapist can help couples consider their values and what they would like their futures to look like.

Therapy can also help with social aspects of being a DINK couple. For example, a therapist can help you think of new ways to make connections. A therapist can also help you learn to communicate and set boundaries with people who may not agree with your decision. It may be helpful to find a therapist familiar with the childfree population. Online directories can help you find a good fit.

What are DINKs? Conclusion

DINK is a term for couples without kids. Sometimes it is used as a shorthand for childfree individuals, whether coupled or not. From a mental health perspective, there are many benefits to choosing to be a DINK couple. These include living in line with your values and extra resources, such as time and money.

DINK couples also face unique psychological challenges, like prejudice and isolation. Couples therapy can be helpful for navigating decisions around family planning. It can also ease some of the psychological challenges associated with being a DINK. Remember, you only have one life, and you get to decide what it’s going to look like.